Incubus
by valorkairi
Summary: Mikan can't presume the life she once lived since HE left. Now two years later odd things are happening to her. The new kid in town, Natsume, hates her for reasons unknown and strangers are throwing themselves at her with seducing proclivity. MxN
1. Black

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. :_

I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't go on living the way I was living before. _He_ became a presence that was so strong, that when he was stripped away from me I was sent into a catalyptic state. For those first few nights of his absence I wouldn't talk. I wouldn't utter a single sound. Breathing became scarce, because I did not fill my lungs with oxygen. I was filling them with the painful reminder that I was alone. I was alone now, even when my mother hovered over me concerned, my father a phone call away, and my friends by my side. It didn't make up for his absence though.

So I became bland, dull, life moving on, yet me unable to catch up and living in the past. Friends left me, my grades slipped, my meaning to live had vanished. I wore the same attire every day. A plain dress that symbolized my mood. Black was depression which I wore almost every single day. Red was anger when I felt the self loathing towards my self and my fathers betrayal. White symbolized happiness, I rarely ever touched white.

I remember his words that had slapped me in the face. I replay them every time in my head_. How the fuck could you, Mikan? How could you do this to me? How could you do this to him?_

I couldn't answer because he was right. Nobody deserved the blame except me.

Now don't get me wrong; I didn't slice and dice my wrists. That seemed simply childish, and cutting would only cure me of this depression. But I deserve this. I did wrong and now I've been punished fairly with the guilt dreading over me. This bullshit isn't going to end. I'll do anything to keep it here. I need the reminder that I wronged!

But then I'm walking in the park and I spot you, so lovely, so angelic like, perched on a bench, focused on your music playing through an Ipod. I wonder how many girls have you stopped in their tracks just by your ethereal beauty? Captivated by you, I can't help but to stare as you nod your head to some post grunge band. Your jet black hair swishes back in forth and it glows almost blue in the sunlight. Your lean and willowy, tall and lanky. Your poise is like a crippled tree, back hunched, neck bent over. Then your eyes open and I see a maroon color. Somewhat redish brown.

I jump back a little, startled as his eyes land on mine. His expression when he sees me is that of a terrified rabbit. His eyes widen and he flinches, mouth gaped open. In seconds he gathers up his stuff and flees from me, frightened, never looking back.

I don't move. My heart thumps in my chest. My mind isn't able to grasp this situation. Why were you so afraid? Who were you?

xxx

School is a daze. Hazy, full of words I can't comprehend. I daydream about you, you know. Even after you left I can't forget you.

I remember when you gently had grabbed my wrists and pulled me into a melding kiss. I remember how the kiss led you to lead your hand downwards onto my leg. I hadn't wanted you to stop so I pulled your leg closer to homebase. There was a sensation I hadn't felt before as your fingers moved with such flexibility and rash movements inside of me. I had moaned, groaned, and begged for you to continue. You had chuckled and said: _I want you right now. I'm going to have you right now._

I hadn't objected as he pulled me onto the bed and began to tantalize me with his fingers. I felt this would never end. But it did.

Sumire Shoda passes right by me then. She's taken up the new trend called 'scene'. Obsessed with all time low and brightly colored skinny jeans. Her hair is in a one sided flippy do, higlighted by blonde streaks and teased into a very chic style. To think I spent my time with her. Two years ago she was a deep throttle goth kid, eyes rimmed in racoon black eyeliner and fishnet stocking making her look slightly whoreish. She laughs as she sees me, probably whispering to her friends about my lack of style.

Then we lock eyes. I see them dancing with challenge. _Why don't you talk to me hunh? Or are you too scared bitch?_

My eyes painted with cowardice reply: _No, I'm sorry for even looking at you._

I lack balls.

xxx

It's been six days since I've laid eyes on jet black hair boy. I've seen him today again as the sun sets and silhouettes of faraway houses are formed. I walk absently; every step happening on its own. I pass the concrete houses, covered in green vines. The grass I step on is wilting into a yellowish color. I don't remember a time when our small town has looked healthy.

I see you again. Staring down at me from a window, curious. No, your no longer curious as our eyes cross eachother. Your burning with fiery hatred. I shudder and attempt to look away but he says something that breaks me.

"I know what you did! I'm going to fucking kill you!"

Startled, I gasp and fall backwards. What the hell are you talking about?

"You ruined everything! You ruined my _life_!" You open the window and jump out of it. I scurry backwards, frightened.

"L..leave me alone!"

"Don't act innocent!" Your coming closer now, hands clenched. You look so violent, so full of rage. "I know what you did!"

"I don't know what your talking about! Just please!" I beg. I scramble up and am backed against a wall. The twisted rage doesn't leave and it looks as though he's actually considering killing me. I can see how much he wants to see my blood spill on the floor. The ugly face he makes at me is enough to snap me back to my senses and run.

xxx

_Uh, Yeah...:o_


	2. White

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. Uh this fanfic was based off a story i was actually writing with my own characters. I'll post the real story after I finish the fanfic and u can decide which is better..._

_xxx_

Dreaming about you, with your blonde platinum hair, resting against my breasts. Your smiling shyly like you did the first day we met. How long has it been since I've remembered your face so clearly? From the outline of you face to the sky blue color of those eyes. You grin at me and touch my collarbone lightly. I smile shyly. Your fingers linger there for a second then it strays downwards to an all too familiar place.

_I miss you. _I murmur in the dream as his fingers play with me.

_It won't be long. It'll be just like it was before. _You assure me, which brings tears my eyes. _And this time you won't screw things up again._

_No, never again._

_xxx_

I deplored the moment I woke up. It felt so real as though I could feel his every touch. The dream was so vivid, it burned in my mind the whole day. On this rare occasion I wore white. Mother seemed as astounded as I was when she saw the cloth hanging from my shoulders. She smiled slightly thinking this a special opportunity.

"Your father called."

"Okay."

"Why don't you call him back? His birthday is next week."

"Mmhmm." I hate hearing about him. My insides feel like they're going to burst with the mere mention of his title. 'Dad'. Jesus fucking Christ. My father, I despised with a passion. Two years ago he had divorced my mother and ran away with a bleached blonde bimbo who resembled Jessica Simpson. I hadn't spoken a word to him since the day he stepped off of our porch and into a cab to Alabama. I had no plans to talk ot him now.

I rarely ever ate anymore and when I did I never really tasted it. So when mother offered me breakfast, out of sheer habit I declined. I liked the feeling of hunger. Another way to induce suffering upon myself. Another thing I deserved. No sign of jet black hair boy as I leave my house for school. The thought of him, with his eyes full of animosity, was enough to leave me hysterical last night. I hadn't dissolved into tears so much as last night then I have in a year.

Great, people I don't even know loathe me.

It's peculiar but as I walk to my bus stop I feel eyes burning into my skin. I glance over to my left, nothing. I glance to my right, nothing. For some reason I look upwards, and there above me, balanced on a tree stem is a man with the most smoldering eyes I have ever seen. They're blue, but they peirce you like swords. I gasp. I blink, but when my eyes open again he has vanished.

xxx

Surprise! Surprise! Jet black hair boy attends my school! Guess what? He has a name too! Natsume Hyuuga, and he's just the loner I thought him to be. He strays to the side keeping his eyes gazed on me. His emotion of hate evident on his face still. They see him as the bad boy type, but no one knows just how bad this child is. I don't think anyone would listen to me if I told them he was a homocidal maniac. I wonder how deep his sadism runs and why something so beautiful could be so evil?

Sumire has taken an interest in him and has switched her favorite bands (All Time Low, NeverShoutNever) to Three Days Grace, and has even changed her bright hues to darker ones: blood red, grey, dark blue. I feel as though I'm the only one who sees her fawning as capricous. Regardless, Natsume seems to revel in the attention. He gives a knowing smirk that these people will be used as tools, these imbeciles available at his beck and call. Am I the only one who sees this?

When it comes to me however, he looks as though hes biting his tongue from telling me what he really thinks of me. Whenever I come within a mile radius, he clutches the nearest sharp object.

How is everyone except me blind to his proceedings?

xxx

A nightmare I have. The greyest of grey room I have ever seen. A small lamp light hangs from above, but it blinks on and off repeatidly. There are no sounds except a quiet whimpering on the other side of this room. Natsume is shuddering in a corner, obviously delirious. Blood, crimson, soaks his shirt, makes puddles around him. I take a step toward him and smile kindly. _N-Natsume-kun are you okay?_

He screams when he sees me, huddles closer to the wall. _Monster! You monster! _

Then I notice the red sticky substance covering my hands. It oozes onto the floor, holds to me like jello. I let out a strangled sob. _Oh my god! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!_

_Leave me alone! _He wails. I cannot help but see the connection between my hands and his blood. For some reason though I get the odd feeling this blood on my hands isn't his. And he knows this too.

xxx

I wake up to myself having somewhat of a seizure. My body flops up and down against my bed, my hands are unrestrained and keep touching every particle of my body, trying to see if this was real or not.

A monster, I've called myself that several times. Hearing the words spoken through another persons mouth has fully convinced me. I needed to know though that it wasn't just me who thougt this. You have no idea what it's like to have the burden of causing someones death on your concious, to have every sole purpose to you, every milligram of you happiness, torn away from you. I can't breath...everything is wilting again. Everything is grey.

I'm responsible for something else. I just know it. But what?

xxx

_Sorta like a mystery hunh? :) Ummm I'm sorry for not adding more of Mikans personality in there... She's sortav deprived herself so much of a social life it's like she's forgotten who she was. But she will remember! In due time. Yeah Natsume is an ass right now, but for good reason...and the mystery guy who left Mikan is well...um more of a mystery then perceived._

_I lurves stories with mysteries and twists :)_


	3. Red

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. Uh this fanfic was based off a story i was actually writing with my own characters. I'll post the real story after I finish the fanfic and u can decide which is better..._

_I know it seems a little confusing, but its supposed to be a mystery :D its indirect because if I directed stuff it wouldnt be amystery anymorezzz_

_xxx_

The red cloth hangs from my shoulders and reminds me of the dream with my hand covered in blood. I've seen something just as worse involving blood before, except in real life and it happened to me. Naturally, the red does not soothe the feeling that I am having. It's bitterly reminiscing my failure, my cause of another persons pain. The dream felt so concrete, substantial, _real_. I swear I actually felt the surface of the floor when I fell backwards. No...it couldn't be. All this suffering has just forced me to become deranged.

The eyes are watching me again. I can feel it in my bones as I board the bus. I grit my teeth and quickly swerve my head to where the perpetrator should be...but isn't. I sigh then continue on the bus.

At lunch I've taken the initiative to skip and hang out on the top of the schools roof. The sky above me is so banal, grey clouds hide the naked sun from public eye. I'm glad to be up here...away from Natsume's fierce scowls, Sumire's deceiving antics, civilization. I just can't cope with people anymore. Any second, they could leave me stranded. I'm not going to take that chance again. The act of abandonement has wounded me way too many times. Call me a fatalist, but every relationship concocted will reach its deadline eventually.

I hear a slight sound of gravel. I flinch and look around desperate. Was it the stalker? Natsume?

It was a female. Someone I had never laid eyes on before, a female so bright in color it nearly emanated off of her in waves. Her hair was a cotton candy pick, wavy, and long. Her face held a pair of two milky blue eyes that stared right through me. Her body language was languid, lithe. She walked as though she was stepping upon clouds. She wore a neon yellow tutu skirt and a pink corset accesorized by an pair of cotton candy shaped earings that glistened in the sun. She deemed otherworldy.

Smiling, she takes a step towards me, apporaches with swaying flirtatious hips. "Mikan, I knew it had to be you." She purrs.

"Uh...sorry...but who are you?" I ask, intimidated. How did she know me?

She chuckles softly, comes closer to me. "Oh, I'm sorry for being impolite. I'm Anna. He told me about you by the way. You're legendary. Everyone has been waiting to meet you, and it seems as though I'm the first. How lucky am I?"" Then she does something very peculiar. She leans in and _sniffs _me. "Ah, You still smell like him. And your iniquity is still fresh and strong. It's absolutley wonderful." She sighs, contented.

"W-w-what?"

She chuckles again. "He told me you were easily flustered. A little slow too he had added but it all is for your kind. I'll be going now, the ever so famous Mikan." I blink, confused, but when my eyes reopen Anna is gone. She mentioned a _he _alot. Who was _he_?

xxx

I let my guard down. I fall into my normal sleeping spells in the library of all places, where anythign could happen to me, but the wave of exhaustion takes over me suddenly like I had just taken ten rounds of Advil.

He's in this dream again. Were both pressing eachother against the wall, starving for each others taste. Intoxicated, I nearly melt when his lips touch mine. Then he pulls me by the hair closer to him, because we're never close enough. It's like we have to be one whole person. He rips off my clothing, pushes me back against the wall. I moan. Then he thrusts into me several times. I fluster in pleasure. (A/N: In my opinion, that sort of sex is boring. Why isn't Mikans man working up foreplay?)

Then as he thrusts into me a final time, I feel earth-shattered. He dissolves into a pile of blood laying on the ground on my bathroom floor. I begin to gasp in fright. Not again! I failed again!

"Oi."

I instantly sit up. Dream world gone, reality check. Who wakes me up however is a sight I did not intend to see. The killer, Natsume Hyuuga.

He's not glaring. He stares at me inquisitively. I glance at his hands. No, he's not holding a knife. How long have I been sleeping? I take a look around. No one else is here. Just me...and him. I jump up and stumble into a table.

"Your not very bright are you?" He seems amused by my clutziness.

Do you contemplant harm towards me? "St-stay away from me."

"I wonder how I could've ever assumed _you _of murder." He seats himself ontop of the desk. Murder? What was he talking about? He continues seeing my shocked expression. "Now I've realized how much of a normal girl you are. Falling all over yourself, that doesn't explain the dream though."

I blink. "Dream?"

"The one last night." He points out. My mouth almost falls to the floor. So It was real? No, impossible. How laudable to think so! "You have the aura of that night though..." He mumbles. "..like blackness wishing to eat up color." What nonsense was he speaking of? Natsume shakes his head obviously puzzled.

"I wish I knew why you were so angry with me everyday..." I say softly. "I thought I had deeply hurt someone again." Memories flood me. _Him_, holding my hand as I declare the shocking news. _Him,_ in rage as he walks out the door. Me, begging for him not to leave me.

Our first meeting...

_At a flowershop with Sumire as we pick out a pair of white Tulips for her mothers remarriage. We giggle with eachother and make jokes about the new step father, a crusty old man who convinced himself the governement health care plan was just a conspiracy. Then you walk up, holding a white rabbit with a pair of gleaming white teeth._

_Sumire flushes ever so, and runs to the bathroom to go check her makeup. She tells me to 'keep him busy'._

_"Can I say something about you?" He asks._

_"Mmhmm! Say whatever you like!" _

_Then he takes a strand of my hair and says to me: "You're the most beautiful woman I have ever met."_

_"Liar!" I tease, but my insides were turning and I grew as red as a tomato._

Natsume, once again, drags me back into reality. "Come on, it's time to get going. It's already eight." Even if the hostility isn't there, I still feel self concious around him. I know he still suspects me of _something_. He thinks I played some part in the murder he speaks of, which is why he's probably keeping me so close. He's investigating me, looking for any reason to blame me for a crime I did not commit. Oh great, what a glorious absolute feeling.

Looks like I'm wearing black again tomorrow.

xxx

_Yeah...Anna...another mystery. I bet you all can guess who Mikans mystery man is by now, so I'll probably just mention his name in the next chapter. So yeah...Mikan actually does play some part in Natsume's pain even though it's indirectly. There will be lemon in late chapters...it's just y'know...gotta build up the relationshit...:o_


	4. Black II

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. Okay theeen :D i have no idea why i keep writing this story. people are so confused and dont know how to concur ideas. They just expect he plot to be handed over to you on a silver platter! Jesus fucking christ lmao. THE IDEA OF THE STORY IS TO KEEP YOU GUESSING AND MAKING YOU DRAW UP YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS._

_So if you like a bit of mystery and have the brains to do this please continue :D_

_xxx_

I woke up to an odd, repugnant smell. It smelled of rust...and salt. I stumbled out of the bed, periodically tripping over piles of clothing stacked on top of eachother. Something was leaking from my nightgown. I press my tremulous hand to my stomach and feel the cloth that is soaked in a warm gooey liquid. I reatreat my hand quickly...shit it's red. I'm bleeding!

I rush over in front of the mirror and find more ooze out. I lift my nightgown up and my body has been mutilated several times in the stomach area. It looks like a waterfall of glistening maroon. Oh god, I'm going to die. I'm only sixteen and I'm going to die! I begin to weep uncontollably and huddle against the bed, rocking back and forth. Panicked, I scream. It echoes through the whole house.

An in instant, my mother is hovering over me. She stares at me, distressed.

"Mom," I sob. "Call 9-1-1! It's-it's..."

She pulls me close to her. What are you talking about Mikan?

Realization has struck. I peer downwards. There is no seeping blood.

"B-but...it...I was bleeding...it was right here..."

"Mikan, keep this up and I'll be forced to call a therapist. I have no idea why you're acting this way." She shakes her head, disgusted probably. If it's still about that boy..."

"He has a name." I retort back. Though I'm still in slight shock from the recent event, that my voice quivers. "It's Ruka."

"I don't give a damn if his name was Jesus. He was just a_ boy_, Mikan." She leaves me. I glare at her retreating figure.

No, mom, you don't get it. He was _everything._

xxx

Like smoothed out charcoal, I was blended into the background. I was just a plain simple hue. No one would be able to decipher my figure, because I camouflaged in. No one. No one except you, Natsume Hyuuga. You strutted around the school, unbeknowest grappeling everyones attention. Women fawned over you, males wanted to be you. You with your sullen outlook and anti social boy next door aura. And having all of this, you could have chose to ignore me. Maybe you still didn't trust me. It doesn't erase the fact that in a room full of people _you_ saw _me_.

And waved like we were old time friends. And strode towards me. And smiled at me.

I think everyone in the room saw your actions. They were just as surprised as me. The great Natsume Hyuuga, taking notice of a _nobody?_ Who was that girl anyways?

"Oi, Mikan."

I'm sure I turned twelve shades of red. "N...Natsume..." I glanced around, seeing our peers examine our every action. "How...are you?"

He raises an eyebrow, then cocks his head towards the library. He wants me to follow him and of course everyone sees this. I follow after him, keeping distance. He still scares the living shit out of me I admit. Then when were all alone, between the shelving aisles of E-G, he slumps to the floor, dragging me with him. His eyes are not hostile I note, but looks can be deceiving.

I wonder if he still wants to harm me?

I wonder if I'd let him?

He begins by saying: "Oi, I can see your panties."

I look down and flush realizing my black dress is hiked up to reveal my plain white panties.

"P-pervert!" I exclaim. Then I oddly hit him. I used to be a jokingly violent person before Ruka had left...why did he suddenly bring out this side of me? My heart throbbed missing the ways me and Ruka used to communicate.

_"You look cute in that dress Mikan." His eyes had stopped at my legs. It was a purple corseted dress, decorated with pastel colored cupcakes._

_"You little lech! Staring at my legs, huh?" Then I slapped the back of his head, making him burst out in guffaws._

"You're daydreaming again." Natsume says, pulling me back into reality.

"Huh?" I say confused.

"You always daydream in the middle of something." He observed. Then he chuckled lightly. "I didn't expect someone so quiet like you to be the violent sort."

My face heats up. "W...well when your eyes aren't where there supposed to be..." Then I blink. "What did you want anyways Natsume? To give me blame on something?"

He flinches at the harshness of my tone. "I need to know why I can feel this presence with you. Why I dream and I see you hovering over, blood splattered on your stomach."

"I can't help it if your having bad dreams about me...and...what presence?" I ask obviously miffed.

His eyes go from maroon to black. He trembles, trying to concur the memory into words. His hands ball into fists as he says, slowly: The same bleak presence of death. The one I felt before she died...the one that I felt on you, subtle, but still present when I first saw you. You didn't have that look in your eyes though, but it's obvious you've also been touched by it.

"By what?" I breathe.

"Do you think I fucking know?" He shakes his head quickly. "It killed her." Who was _she_? "It ate her, ate her scraps goddamit! Do you think I know what it was? All I know is that it was a monster and it has something to do with you!" He shouts. I gawk at him in stunned silence. So he still thought of me as guilty. I was a perpetrator in his book based off of facts such as auras. Even though it sounded ludicrous, I still felt abashed.

The next second theres a grim librarian staring down at us. "Please no yelling in the library. I'm going to have to ask you both to leave."

We leave, keeping distance. As we part he takes one final glance at me, then sneers. Irritated, I flip him off. I don't think this relationship is working out so well...

xxx

Still pissed off by todays encounter with Natsume, I begin to punch my pillow with such fury, I rip a hole into it. Once the anger builds up I need to release it as soon as possible otherwise it'll blow out at the most simplest things. I don't give a fuck about Natsume. Making me feel like shit, It's justifiable, but not by him. Maybe this is another way the world wants to punish him. A tear escapes from my eye. I touch it meekly. I'm so angry, but I'm not melancholy...so why am I crying? Because I still feel the same throbbing I did when Ruka left. That nagging feeling...the consuming one that captivates your attention, leaves you breathless...

I remember your eyes, Natsume, the maroon pair filled with hostility...Even though those eyes were only prodigal hate, they were the only pair to ever look at _me_.

"Having a moment of despair?" My head flips around to find Anna, smirking.

I land backwards on the bed. She walks over to me, then straddles me, and pins me down. I am too shocked to speak. Then she does the unspeakable. She takes my ear and begins to nibble at it.

Startled, I attempt to push her off but fail. "A-anna!"

"It's no fair, keeping you all to himself." She pouts. "I wanted to see how the progress is coming along. He worries your straining your body too much. Violently assaulting a pillow isn't wise."

"Him?"

She doesn's say anything, just sits up. "He was right. Your not bright at all."

"W-what? Am so!" I retort, offended. Who the fuck was she anyways? How did she get in?

Then her eyes land on my stomach. "Does it hurt? He said there would be alot of blood."

I jump. She knew about the bleeding this morning. But...how? "So I'm not insane..." I murmur. Or maybe I really was.

"No, not insane. Special. _Very, very _special." She chuckles.

xxx

_Um, yeah :P Next chapter will reveal about who did Natsume know who was killed and how...so yeah :P _


	5. Black III

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. Still don't get it? Lol. I have the plot and mysteries in my head, and sadly I can only um leave little hints of it-foreshadow it. I've already left a few hints as to why Ruka left Mikan and I guess you could already assume Anna isn't your average day person. I'm guessing you can't find the hints, hunh? It's one of those things you have to look deeply at, metaphorically._

_Okay then time to reveal one of the mysteries._

_Yeah so, so just going to put this out there: I am not a Christian and the rating is T for a reason and will later be moved to M. I'm sorry if I do not appeal to your religion in my story, but realize that my own veiws aren't that of a Christian and will not be changed by anyone. So...fuck! :D_

_xxx_

In my dreams I see Natsume again.

_This time were alone in a wooden cottage, surrounded by records hanging on the walls. I'm at first surprised to see him, he seems the same. Then noticing his surroundings, his face loses all color. His hands oscillate, not knowing how to move. He was obviously distressed by something._

_"Natsume?"_

_"The closet." He pulls on my arm. _

_"W-what?"_

_"Get in the fucking closet!" He drags me against my will then throws us both in the closet together. It's so dark and Natsume won't stop squeezing my hand. I'm scared. Where was I and why could I feel his hands on mine if it was just a dream? I can't help but to notice Natsume's hand radiates with warmth. Not expected from a cold person._

_The front door opens, and a Young woman of twenty-seven, carrying a bag of groceries, walks in. Her hair is jet black, cascading down her back in ringlets. She's a slender graceful woman, wearing a hanging cross around her neck and very little revealing clothing. But her eyes...when I see her eyes I know. They're maroon and distant...just like Natsumes. This woman, carrying the groceries, was his mother._

_I glance at Natsume who looks breathless. I give his hand a squeeze reassuring him, but his dark expression doesn't vanish_

_At first Natsumes mother is just toying with her car keys and humming to an unfamiliar tune. Then she begins to sway so refined like a ballerina or Disney princess. She really was a beautiful woman, even with those chilling eyes._

_Then I feel it. Like a wave of depression, a sudden feeling of bleak sadness and anger. Natsume notices it too and stiffens. Natsume's mother must also notice because she clamps her hand over her mouth and her face turns into something austere. The windows suddenly open, thrusting in a bunch of leaves. The wind chimes begin to jingle and the records tremble against the wall. Natsumes mother was horror-stricken. She tries to grasp her cross dangling around her neck but her hands were so tremulous it kept slipping out of her sweaty palms._

_Then she notices it. A scaley, cripples hand with long jagged fingernails, protrude from the edge of the window. Oh god. So this was what Natsume was referring to. He looks so shaken up right now, like he's in a cataleptic state of mind. His mother looks taken back to, not quite sure how to react to the hand that's leveraging it's bodies upward. In a flash of lighting it springs out. This thing was so ugly, so hideous, with it's wide set apart eyes that were a blood red color. I don't even know how to explain such a beast. It had a human like physique but was covered in scales and was a a brilliant shade of grey and black. It had no nose and its ears were elfin like._

_And it's teeth, the ones that were revealed just now, was the most stunning. Long, sharp, and bloodlusting. When it latches its claws into her, I don't think I have the stomach enough to watch. She's slewn around the room several times, making noises of pain. It tears into her flesh with it's teeth, ripping off her skin. Her arm just so happens to be shredded off and flies a few feet in front of the closet. Blood spurts out like rain._

_I am too disgusted to watch anymore. I turn to Natsume only keeping my eyes locked on him. I find myself in a state of shock, making uncomprehendable sounds. He doesn't even turn to face me._

_It's over I think. The screams have subsided._

_And in enters a small fragile voice. "Mommy, I'm home from school!" I finally look back at the crime scene before us. Little Natsume is hovering over his mother- or what's left of his mothers- dead body. He can't quite seem to grasp the situation. Then when he notices a thin streak of blood, seeping from her nose, he knows. Mommy's dead. Mommy's not coming back anymore._

_xxx_

Gasping for air, I fling myself off the bed. It was just a dream, but a dream so real. It was like Natsume was there with me; it was as though his touch and the blood painting the walls could still be felt, smelt. That was a horrific dream. It's not as though I had the penchant for watching scary movies anymore, but maybe I should hold back on any gore for awhile... I turn my head and there he is.

It's him again, staring at me, through the window, the stalker with the smoldering eyes. I cannot scream or look away. His eyes send secret messages of warning. It's almost as though he's inside my head.

_It's coming. Be careful._

"What's coming? I don't understand." My voice quivers.

_I can only protect you so much, but your like an open invitation to them. You need boundaries._

"Who are they?"

_Everything we fear. The end._

"I dont get what you're saying. Who are you and why won't you quit stalking me?" I demand. My fiery temper has resumed.

He touches the glass of the window_. I am Tsubasa and not only are they the end, but soon, you will be too. You're the reason for destruction. I've stayed too long. Just be careful, Mikan Sakura._

Lightening flashes and in an instant, he's gone. I stare dumbly at the window for what seems like hours as it begins to pour. My life has become even more of a complicated mess than usual. I wonder just what the fuck is going on?

xxx

Natsume approaches me quickly at school. Hes head held high, his walk military like. "Come with me." I follow obediently, remembering the blood stained nightmare I had had.

When were alone, behind the school building he dismisses my questioning look. "Stupid." He spits out. "What were you doing in my mind again?"

"The nightmare..." So it was real...or maybe this was another dream? "It wasn't my imagination?" I burst out.

"Of course not, dumbass." He grabs my hand like that one time. "Couldn't you feel this?"

Memories of him holding my hand flooded me. They were still warm for such a cold person. I still half expected for his hands to be as frigid as his sneering face, but it wasn't so. Wait a damn second...he was holding my hand. I blushed and pulled my hand away from his.

"D-don't do that...p-pervert." I stammered. He seems to find my nervousness solacing for he grins. The grin is the fisrt I have seen of him smile, but it's quickly replaced by a grimace.

"How do you keep doing it?"

"Like hell if I know." I want to pull out my hair. "Crazy shit has been happening to me since you came here. You tell me."

"For such a shy, reserved girl, you have the mouth of a sailor." He sneers.

"For such a lusted after guy, you have the manners of a pig." I retort back, furiously. Oh no...he was doing it again. Bringing back forgotten Mikan. She had been starving for attention inside of me, and I just so carelessly gave her way. She was reserved for Ruka only and I had promised myself to distinguish herself after he left, but Natsume so easily brought her out. I don't like it. I want to be able to control myself and not let me feel like myself so easily. I was full of such...such guilt, so why wasn't the real me coming out?

"Oi," He seems concerned. "Mikan..." It's the first time he's said my name. And it sounds just lovely rolling off his tongue.

"Y-yes?"

"Don't stare all dazed like that." I flush.

"Whatever."

"Tomorrow, I want to meet you here, exactly in this spot. Okay?"

"If I have time." I taunt. I get up and brush the dirt from my black dress. He doesn't know how he's making me feel right now. I don't even know how he's making me feel. The only thing I know is that my heart is thumping wildly against my chest and I can't wait to see him again.

xxx

_Sooo review if you want? Next chapter will drop more hints on Mikan and Rukas past :D_


	6. White II

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. I still hear people say the plot is confuzzling so I will sum it up for you here and now:  
Mikan used to have a relationship with Ruka. Then he left her for reasons that will be revealed. The reason he left her is a big part of the plot and will tie together the mystery. Now, various weird things are happening to her Ex: The characters Tsubasa and Anna and others that will be stalking her and saying weird shizz and sharing dreams with Natsume and hallucinations etc._

_I realllly want to solve one of the major mysteries rite now...but but i shuld just wait til next chapter ;)_

_xxx_

I wore white today. It was due to anticipation. I wanted to see you so badly today Natsume which abashed me. Why was I so anxious to see him? The person who accused me of murder? Regardless I wore only white. Now was the time I wished I hadn't thrown away my different colored dresses, the ones with embellishments and cute patterns. I looked so plain. So as I fiddled with my hair, I decided to wear them in pinktails so I atleast looked a little cutesy.

I shake my head violently. Why the fuck am I getting stressed over a simple meeting? My heart belonged to Ruka.

_Drip, drip._

What was that sound coming from the bathroom?

_Drip, drip._

Inquisitive, I opened the door. What I saw was far from what I was expecting.

A small, tiny, dismembered hand was sprawled out on the floor, its fingers quivering slightly. Blood surrounded it; made the room reak. The hand was so miniscule. Its little nails, still raw and untouched.

I couldn't even gasp as memories flooded me. Ones with me, leaning over the toilet, sobbing my heart out. Where Ruka shoved me away as I sought out comfort. Where I imbibed myself the first few nights of the shock. Where I became sullen. Where I slid down to the floor in despair as Ruka told me how much of a dissapointment I was. And I was. And this hand was here to remind me.

The phone rang pulling me out of my trance. The hand dissapeared along with the ring of blood as I blinked up a storm.

Hell hath no fury like guilt.

xxx

You're poised like a crippled tree; your back hunched over, your arms narrow. When we lock eyes, Natsume, I can see you observe my appearance, hastily taking in the new arrangement of my hair. I feel like a sack of weights as I walk over to you.

The trauma of today has not completely left, but seeing you has defininetly taken away some of the ache.

"Sit." Natsume commands. It's so perturbing and insolent of you to demand such things, but I sit anyways. I begin to fiddle with my fingers, feeling mightely shy.

"Okay..." I start awkwardly. "We both know weird shit is going on." That's basically the sum of it.

"Yeah." But instead of questioning me on the weird shit any further, he asks: "What's your favorite color?"

I blink. Why was he so curious? "Uh...Grey?"

"Grey isn't a color dumbass." He corrects.

I clutch the grass, ready to tear it from it's roots. "Well then I don't know."

"Food?" He persisted. How befuddeling it was to hear him ask me questions unrelated to his past.

"Why are you so curious Natsume?" I spat.

"Just answer the question."

"Fine. Takeout. Happy?"

Then he scratched his chin. "So Mikan Sakura- favorite color: Grey. Favorite food: Takeout. Wears plain dresses daily, has a hidden temper, and is a basketcase." I cringed when he said _basket case_. "Not only that but has somewhat of a reputation as a whore."

I gasp. "W-what have you heard?" Somehow I had the faintest idea Sumire was the one spreading the word.

He doesn't answer me. Instead he takes my childlike fingers and rubs them gently. As an automatic response, I pull away, completely flustered. What was he doing? How did talking over my favorite food transform into obvious flirtation? He doesn't even seem appalled when I glare at him for touching me in such a way. He just outright smirks! The nerve!

"Natsume, I think we both know I have nothing to do with your mothers murder," I state. His face turns tenebrous as I mention his mother. I continue. "So why is it you're still talking to me? Why am I still here?"

"Because I want you to be." Such a breif answer.

"But-but-but _why_?" I cannot understand his logic. My company is not so important.

He glowers at me. "If you have a problem with it just fucking say so."

"I..." It's been so lonely these past two years. I did not realize how desolate I was before you said that last sentence, Natsume. How painstaking it is to have no one to talk to. "I...I don't mind it."

And for some reason his face did not change from it's usual irritated self, but his voice had lightened. "So, favorite band?"

xxx

To finally talk to someone...what bliss. I needed communication. I became completely unaware of every struggle, every melancholy I had ever felt when I talked to him. Ruka had not been remembered in every word Natsume spoke as where when my mother tried to talk to me, memories of him engulfed me. I had to choke back tears everytime I let her speak. It was the complete same with my father.

The phone had rang. Still light-hearted from todays encounter with Natsume, I picked it up and answered in a cheery voice. "Hello, this is Mikan."

"Mikan?" The voice. The voice of my father.

I instantanously shoved the phone back onto the receiver. Traitor. How dare you call me. How dare you call me by my name...

A voice with such regal demenor says:"Wrath? How lovely."

I spin around and Anna is right up close to me, pressing her body against mine. She's wearing a baby blue zipper dress, decorated with tint white lolita ribons. Her bubblegum pink hair is tied in a messy bun. Her face is made all the more colorful by a neon pink eyeshadow and a neon green star sticker, attached to her puffed up cheeks.

How does she always do that? Sneak up on me like that? Rather than ask her such a thing all I can do is mumble like an idiot.

"A...A...Anna?"

"Yes darling." She purrs. Her fingers have found its way to my waist and pulls me closer against her. My reaction must be funny to her, because she begins to chuckle.

"He was so right. You are cute. Maybe I'll keep you for myself." Then just like that she leans in and whispers in my ear. "There's an intruder."

It's as though everything in this room has lost it's color and me and Anna are the only ones full of it. I feel hypnotized. Her everyword is law. Her every word is true. When I respond to her, the words aren't mine. It's like she planted them firmly in my mind.

"Yes. An intruder." Was this me speaking with the monotone voice?

"He's going to ruin our plans, Mikan. He's evil." I see it in her eyes that she soeaks the truth. Thos pair of once baby blue eyes grow black and consuming. "Do you know who the intruder is?"

"Tsubasa..." I whisper. Yes, she was right. He plans to hurt me. I'm not safe with him. I'm only safe with Anna.

"I have to protect _you_ to make sure _you_ don't screw up again." Her voice is hostile, serious. "Last time we were so close. So, so very close. Only me and Hotaru knew of course at the time and to us it was a revelation." What was she talking about? Who was Hotaru? "So imagine to hear those words when _Messiah _told us the news?"

No, I wasn't safe with Anna. She managed to mesmerize me for that short amount of time, but not anymore. As soon as she mentioned M_essiah_, I snapped out of it. "Who?"

"Just sleep Mikan." Her voice turned soothing. She touched my eyelids with her soft fingers and pulled them downwards and from then I fell into a deep sleep. The only dream was of me and Ruka, laughing together, tugging off eachothers clothing desperately. I must have crashed on the floor, because when I woke up, I was draped on the rug with a large bump on the back of my head.

A note was left but not from Anna.

_Don't worry, I love you. I'll be back soon._

_,Ruka._

_xxx_

_Yeah ummm next chapter reveals what Mikan supposably did. It's not really big what she did anyways...or atleast not to me. I dropped alot of clues in this chapter so if you can't guess..._


	7. Red II

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. Okay here is the chapter everyone has been waiting for because it explains why Ruka left Mikan :) I hope when you read it you'll think of all the hints I dropped...Wooh! Two releases in one day! I so rock :D_

_xxx_

_xxx_

_xxx_

_We're together Ruka, just me and you in this dreamscape. Running along the grass feilds that sparkle with mildew against the setting sun. No matter how fast you run, I can most definintley keep up. The fabric of the light pink strapless dress I'm wearing has turned an exquisite shade of blue. Then it turns a lime green. You glance at me and laugh as you see my everchanging colored dress. I laugh with you and it's just me and you in this utopia. Our paradise._

_Except were not alone, because on the other side of me, is a tiny hand gripping mine. A hand so fragile with the owner of the little hand, has also erupted in giggles. Then at realization of the little person whose hand I'm holding my hands loosen and let the person go. The child, with it's huge baby blue eyes, grows surprised as it falls from me and Ruka, away from our paradise._

_Except now the paradise has been destroyed. The fresh grass has rotted into a revolting shade of brown, the clear blue sky has turned gray and has begun to rain, and most importantly Ruka has vanished. And here I am alone in this dreamscape, shivering in the rain._

_xxx_

I was angry at myself again. I hadn't had that dream for a year. It was as though the universe was pushing me to be in demise. Wearing red, very much contrasted from the multicolored dress I wore in the dream. I don't even want to think of those big baby blue eyes that stared at me with such despair. They were too much like Ruka's.

The last thing I needed was you, Natsume. A person who could see through my emotionless exterior. I remember yesterday how we talked of airplanes, ufos, everything extraordinary. Not once had you mentioned what you knew about me. Not once did you cite what gossip had been flying around.

Not until today.

At lunch, while I pick at runny mashed potatoes, spilling onto burnt meatloaf, I notice you with Sumire fluttering by you. She really seems to work up the charm; touching your arm lightly, leaning in with her breasts spilling out, laughing at everythign you say. Wretched as it was to watch, I did nothing. I feel an emotion I haven't felt in a long time: jealousy. The gut-wretching jealousy that has taken me by surprise and making me break my plastic spoon.

You don't take her flirtations seriously though. You just nod away, barely acknowledging her existence.

We lock eyes for a second. You don't even bother to tell her leaving when you get up and walk over to me. She stares at you her mouth dropping to the floor.

"W-wh-what do you want?" I stammer. He takes a seat down. I glance at Sumire whose glaring at us both.

He doesn't look at me and takes out a notebook. "I can sit wherever I want."

I snort.

I peek at his notebook that has scrawled out words in different medias. Some red pen, with furious slashing, others used black ink, pencil, and jumbo sharpie.

"What's that?" I point at it with a full mouth. He looks disgusted.

"That's rude." He sighs. "And it's a journal to record dreams and stuff."

I read some of the words: _I keep having the dream. It won't stop staring at me with it's snake eyes. _Red pen. _It's funny how everyone looks at me. _Sharpie. _How does she enter my dreams? How can I feel her if it's just a dream. _Pink crayola. The one he's currently writing down in blue ink says: _I had another dream. The dead fetus was in it again._

"D-dead fetus?" The words look to me, like my end on page. Oh no...oh no...I think I'm having a heartattack.

"Yes," His voice lowers. "And...I think it's yours. Or...what I mean is your baby's."

I choke. Tears blur my image and I throw myself backwards. I cannot believe he really knows. Now he knows what an atrocious person I am! How could anyone let their own baby die? How could I have let me and Ruka's child perish...how could I?

"Mikan?" He says concerned as I break out into sobs. The anguish has overpowered me. People begin to stare at the crying girl making a spectacle of herself. But I can't stop. Natsume grabs me by the elbow and rushes me into the girls bathroom. He's not afraid that people are watching us.

One of the girls in the bathroom screeches as she sees Natsume come in. He only hisses at her, making her run out of the bathroom.

The bawling keeps on coming and the state of lacrymose I'm currently in...is like the one night I sat hunched over the toilet, staring down at lumps of blood. The shock, the horror, of a mother losing her child.

"I...I didn't mean to...Ruka...I'm so sorry!" I say between muffled sobs. I attempt to dry my tears, but it's useless because they keep pouring out.

"It's okay." Natsume shushes me. "You didn't do anything."

"I'm so sorry I miscarried! I know you wanted it...I would have had it for you!" I bawl. The world is spinning. Where are you Ruka? Where are you? "But...but..."

Natsume urgently gripped my shoulders and began to shake me violently. "Listen to me Mikan! It's okay!"

"No!" I swat his hand away. "I ruined everything! I was under alot of stress though which is why I miscarried...Ruka...I'm so sorry...It's just my mother and father were getting a divorce and- and..."

Then he pulls me close. Pulls me so close I can feel his heart beat. _Bb-bmp! Bb-bmp! _I smell the scent of vanilla. It's his shampoo...so different from mine. The scent has calmed me down. It's funny how just his perfume could bring me to rest. You run your hand through my hair. It's soothing like a waterfall.

I pull away and look at him. His crimson eyes when I first laid mine on them were so different. No longer fury occupies them. They're perturbed ready to shower me with something...love? Couldn't be. Could it?

Ruka was the only one for me. Natsume could never be.

xxx

He had walked me home from school all the while giving me words of encouragment, something ironic for someone like him. He let me rest my head on his shoulder as I grew woozy. Thoughts of the little hands I would never hold plagued my thoughts. I had yearned fro my child and its father for the longest time. A once pregnant teen wasn't supposed to feel this way. Some were relieved at the sight of the dead fetus. I, however, had done everything but died.

And everywhere I turned was a reminder. Even Natsume had become an reminder, because for some reason he reminded me of Ruka. They were polar opposites however. Ruka with his warm exterior and Natsume who was frigid as ice. Yet come to find out...I glance at Natsume...He's not so frigid as he seems.

"I...I can walk home from here." I say.

He just keeps walking, ignoring my blatant protest.

"Natsume." I stop walking. He does the same. "I can walk home from here."

"Your funny." He rolls his eyes.

"No...I really can." I put on my best determined face.

He responds. "I'm not leaving you when you're like this."

"I'm fine!" I stomp off. I have no reason to be angry at Natsume after all his empathy. But it's hard to be around a strong and vital reminder. He doesn't know how pained I am just to look at his no-nonsense face.

He doesn't follow me thank god. The breeze brushes against my exposed arms. I shudder. When did it get so cold? Yet someone is still watching over me. Just as soon as I feel the pair of blue eyes peircing into my skin, am I also horded behind a tree by a mysterious stranger. She has the darkest purple eyes I have ever seen. They are calm and emotionless and put me at ease. I do not feel threatened even as she pushes me against the tree, making sure no one sees us.

"H...hello?" I utter, confused. What did this beautiful girl want from me?

She hisses. "You're so dumb do you know that? He's been watching you this whole time." She gestures towards Tsubasa who is looking everywhere for me.

"I'm sorry." Is my automatic reply. Then like Anna, she does the peculiar habit of sniffing me. Her face goes blank.

"He's coming."

"Who?"

"No questions." Was her simple reply. "I suggest you follow me unless you want the bad guy to spot you again." She nods towards Tsubasa. Without question I follow her, not really caring what was good or bad. I just really wanted to know what the fuck was going on and she had my answers.

xxx

_Thank god that's out of the way. So...yeah Ruka left Mikan because she miscarried and blamed her. Now the next mystery that needs to be solved is what are Anna, Hotaru, and Tsubasa? And whose the Messiah? Somehow the unborn child fits into this..._


	8. Red III

_I do not own gakuen alice or whatever. Awww! I love my reviewers. I knew my story would be better once you solved one of the major mysteries. Now I have also dropped more hints in earlier chapters just listen to what Anna and Tsubasa has to say. Obviously Mikan is something important that the'yre fighting over. Nooowww as I said before I will let people read my first story after this one is finished. It's only three chapters long and it's in cut off segments. It also is not as subtle hinting as I was in this one. Um...lime in the chapter btw._

_I hope you enjoy?_

_xxx_

I followed the girl with the purple eyes until we reached an unknown destination. The area she led us to was a secluded part of the nearby woods where not even critters touched. It was as though everything including the shadows refused to touch this area. It was a ringlet surrounded by a moss covered tree stump, where grass was ripped out from the roots and tossed over outside the ringlet. A little white rabbit passed by, not daring to touch the ringlet. When we locked eyes, I saw warning. I saw fear. This was...pretty creepy indeed.

The mysterious girl sat herself on the tree stump. She examined me, her lavender eyes looking me up and down. She looked slightly dismayed when she noticed how plain I was, I guess.

"I know you're Mikan. It's all over you. His scent, your crisis, your agony, the smell of rotting fetus." She said without remorse. I surpressed my urge to flinch. The harshness of her tone cut me like a knife. How did she know about the fetus anyways?

"What the fuck is it? Everyone-reveal-gossip-about-Mikan day?" I shout. My anger had boiled to a burst.

She blinks. "No. Everyone downstairs knows."

"What? Why won't anyone explain things clearly? And who are you exactly?"

"Anna might have mentioned me. I'm Hotaru. I've known about you for quite some time."

I laugh darkly. "Apparently everyone know about me. You, Natsume, Anna, Tsubasa..."

She looks taken back for a second, until her face calms back to its usual expressionless facade. "Natsume? Natsume Hyuuga?"

"Yeah...how do you...?"

"Oh," She smirks. "The _Messiah_ would _love _to hear about this. How coincidental of you to meet up with the child of his former snack."

It takes a moment for me to grasp this. Snack? An image of Natsume's mother being slaughtered and devoured flashes through my mind. That lizard like creauture...that was the Messiah? No, it couldn't be...then that would mean I was alone with one of its followers. I was staring at peril in the face. Those lush eyelashes were the eyelashes of danger. Those fingers, so long and slender, could so easily tear me to shreds. Here I was so stupid as to not take Tsubasa's advice and I just so happened to follow evil.

I just so happened to follow death.

I backed away a little, planning to escape.

"Mikan?" She asks, taking a step closer.

"S-stay away..." I warn. I take another step back.

She doesn't listen and moves quickly towards me. "What are you saying? I would never-"

But I'm not listening, because I'm still taking steps back. To no availl does she stop. Was she going to kill me? Ruka...Ruka help me, please!

But it was not Ruka who comes to my rescue. It's Tsubasa. Like a knight in shining hour, he stands before me, blockading her from me. His face is feirce, protective, ready to instigate battle at any given second. Hotaru looks so helpless as though she knows she has lost already. Just how powerful was Tsubasa and what was he?

"Are you okay...Mikan?" He does not look at me. He keeps his eyes locked on Hotaru.

"Y...yes."

"I'll be gone now Mikan." Hotaru does not look at me just like Tsubasa. They are to feircely staring at each other to notice my confusion. She then finally turns to me, eyes hard. "But I will be back." She warns me. Then an instant, she's gone.

Tsubasa turns to face me. "I thought I told you..."

"I'm sorry." I look down. "But I'm so confused. I needed answers and I thought she...could give them to me. Things are just so fucked up lately. I feel like I'm apart of something big, but I have no idea what. Do you know what it feels like to be in some sort of grand plan, everyone knowing except you? Let me tell you, it's not fun."

"I want to give you answers but my master..."

"Oh," I snort. "You have a master too?"

He looks at me darkly. "My master is completely different from theirs. Completely different. Don't you ever compare."

"I just want to know what's going on!" I shout. This perplexing situation, keeping me grounded, unstable, is pulling me into two. I don't know how much more mystery I can take.

He pulls me close, whispers in my ear. "I will tell you something Mikan. You are part of something big. Something huge and life changing. You cannot trust Anna or Hotaru. They will lead you to your own destruction. Do you hear me?"

"Oi!" Our heads both turn abruptly. Natsume is glaring at Tsubasa with such intensity, a normal person would have to look away of fear of being scorched. But Tsubasa is not a normal human being. I'm guessing this scene looks a little...wrong. With Tsubasa close to my face, gripping my shoulders close to him. Both of my hands on his shoulders. And from the look on Natsume's face it seems he thought exactly what it wasn't. Could he be perhaps... jealous?

"Natsume..." Is all I manage to say, the dunce that I am.

Tsubasa pulls away from me and just walks away, not even saying goodbye.

"So I come back here to find you making out with a stranger?" He demands. "You could have just said it clearly instead of making up that retarded excuse. 'I'm fine now to walk home on my own.'" He mimics me.

I flush. "It wasn't like that! Why are you back here to begin with?"

"Oh so what was it like?" He persists.

"I...I...I don't even know, but trust me I do not need male drama bullshit! Do you really think after all thes shit I've been through with Ruka that I would just come back here and start something like that again? Do you?"

I gasp. What had I just said? It came...straight from the heart. As much as I would never admit it I was not just melancholy over Ruka's departure. I was furious. Livid. How could he do that to me in my time of peril? And the second part about me starting another relationship...the fear of falling in love again...was aimed at Natsume. I was a fatalist. As soon as this started it could end so easily. How had I managed to bottle this up so well?

"Ruka?" He blinks. Oh...that's right. I've never mentioned Ruka's name to Natsume, but I think he gets the gist that Ruka was the father of my unborn child. "I'm so sorry Mikan..."

I never expected him to say that to anyone. Especially someone like me...

"Just..." I couldn't even look at him. "It was a long time ago." Too long ago. "Why were you out here anyways?"

"I felt it again. The subtle bleak aura that is on you- the one that killed my mother...I felt it. It was here, but it was stronger than yours." Hotaru...so Hotaru and Anna really were in league with Natsume's mothers murderer.

I can't hold it in anymore. I have to tell him. "Natsume, I think we need to talk."

xxx

We rushed into my room, past my mother, locking the doors. We didn't bother to explain to her who this new guest in our house was and what we were in such a hurry about.

I spilled everything to you. The horrific nightmares, the hallucinations, the stalking freaks who were somewhat responsible for your mothers death. His face had gone blank. How would you react to such things being said to you? You would probably conclude the other peson was fatuous, made of lies, psychotic? Yet Natsume did not look at me the way someone looks at a liar or a deranged person. He looked convinced...and most of all he looked terrified. I spoke the truth and he grasped it. He knew something was happening...something heinous...but what? What exactly was taking place?

"So that guy..."

"Tsubasa." I correct.

"He's supposably going to protect you? From this messiah? The one who gorged on my mother?" He has found this shocking he slumps on the bed. "I knew something was off when I moved here, but...god."

"I know." I agree, as I sit beside him. "Enter the never ending roller coaster of hell."

I peek over at him. He looks so fragile, so helpless. Maybe I shouldn't have revealed this mess so quickly. I was selfish though. I needed someone to know of my complications. I didn't even bother to think of the impact this would have on Natsume. Now, like me, he probably won't be able to sleep at night. I'm so sorry...so very sorry...

"Oi." His eyes avert to mine. "Don't look at me with those eyes."

"I'm sorry..." I utter. But what I was really sorry for was for dragging you into this mess.

Then he takes my hand, so softly into his. It's like the gentle touching of a flittering peice of paper against the wind. Then the gentleness is gone. He braces my hand, and pulls me towards him so that we are face to face, nearly inches apart. The situation was so much to grasp so I sat back and did nothing in stunned silence. I felt the pleasures that my bare leg was touching yours and that my dress was hiked up to where you could almost see my panties. And those eyes...those eyes looked at me so full of...lust?

I froze as your hand moved from my hand towards my shoulders. Then you pulled me in close and kissed me. I was still so paralyzed, but your lips continued to move against mine. So soft...and he tasted like cool mint. Soon your tongue tickled mine. I couldn't help but to respond to the revelry of the moment. Then you pulled me even closer, your hand moving up and down my back and all I could do was moan.

Moan like I did with Ruka. How Ruka's hands would touch me in my most erogenous zones...wait I was kissing Natsume. Not Ruka. Natsume would leave me just like Ruka did because I would disappoint him somehow! I couldn't handle the pain...I can't put myself in such a position!

So with haste, I pushed him away. He looked at me, vexed.

"What was that about?"

I peered downwards. "Would you believe me..." I said as I clutched a pillow to my chest. "If I told you I'm scared?"

"Scared?" He stroked my leg. I grow warm in all the embarrassing places. "Of what?"

"Th-this." I stammer. "Relationships. Boys. I just...I don't want to hurt anymore...I know I deserve it and all...but it will be too much this time."

He stares at me for a long while then sighs. "Fine." How easy it was for him to say it. Those simple words I easily construed: _Fine, I won't bother you anymore. _"I'll be back tomorrow though. We need to figure things out. Like this for one."

"There's nothing to figure out."

He rolls his eyes. "Sure there's not...polka dots."

Polka dots? Why would he call me...I look down towards my dress. It's hiked up just enough to see...a pair of lacy polkadot panties.

"P-PERVERT!"

xxx

I'm in front of the mirror, brushing my long dull brown hair. I'm really not that pretty...what could Natsume or Ruka see in me? This face was so simple, no beauty marks made me interesting. I didn't have full lush lips or spectacular sexy eyebrows. So what did they see? Someone easy?

But what I saw at that moment staring at me through the mirror, was enough for me to forget my self doubts.

A small pair of baby blue eyes, childish, staring at me.

I turn around hastily and there's my child. The unborn, with my brown hair swept across his beautiful boyish face. His smile is just as beautiful. I want to scream, I want to cry, I want to hug him, but I am to shocked to move. My child was here.

"Hello Mommy. Lets have a little talk."

xxx

_Ooooh creeepppy huh? Lol, is Mikan hallucinating again? Assume for yourself. Next chapter will reveal more. And then the whole plot changes again. -sigh- I was up all night writing this because I was so intrigued. Out of all my stories I've written this was the most worthwhile..._

_OH BTW I WILL NOT UPDATE UNTIL I GET A CERTAIN NUMBER OF REVIEWS...i will not tell you the number however :)_


	9. Black IV

_Okay then, I do not own Gakuen Alice. Hmmm...finally come to the lemonnn part of the story, yum. Im sorry i haven't updated I've just been too busy this summer getting stoned. Lol. Plus I haven't had much of a writers obsession like I normally do. To tell you the truth I write stories as a way of revenge. Like inserting my personal opinions in the stories or writing really good to tick people off who in my opinion write reallly bad. Well it's not that they write really bad, but I don't understand the whole, 'Hey I saw you its love at first sight, screw me by only touching my bewbies sort of thing'. Sooo yeah :D_

_xxx_

The little child, _my_child, had the look of contempt. His brutal yet beautiful blue eyes stabbed me over and over again. He had the eyes of his father down to the very last eyelash. His hair was my color and reached to his shoulders, making him look somewhat like a female. His androgynous appearance only made him resemble Ruka even more. Fuck my life.

I want to hold him so bad, my poor baby. I'm too frightened though that he will reappear as the dead fetus, soaked in blood. I can't lose you again! I finally have you back here with me and I can't lose you! So what do I do? Filled with morose, I begin to cry.

You walk up to me, my baby, and touch my hand with yours. Your fingers are as cold as ice, making me flinch. "It's okay mommy. Daddy will be back and it will all be alright again. Just wait." How innocent he sounds, wrapped in that pale baby flesh.

With sudden urge I grab him, press him so close to my body I feel his frigidness creep onto me. It's like hugging ice, but I don't care. He's soft. He's perfect. "Oh baby, I'm so sorry. So very sorry." Then the tears begin to soak his plain black T-shirt. "Daddy's not coming back though. But it can be just you and me. You and me together."

The words sound lovely, but incomplete, lacking. There was no way around the fact that I wanted to be the impeccable family. Absolute with mother, father, and child.

"But Mommy." He whispers in my ear. "He is coming back. He needs you mommy. He needs me too, but he can't have me without you. Daddy loves you."

"No." His words seem to good to be true. I inhale his fresh lemon scent. "He's not coming back."

"But..." He pulls away from me and I gaze into his disgruntled face. "He is. He is mommy." Then his nymphet face morphs into something horrific, something that could only be seen in a nightmare. A long dragon like snout, mixed with the eyes of a spider, and the scales of a fish. The teeth are long and dripping with blood. I feel the faint aura of bleak sadness overwhelm me mixed with an abundance of fear.

I pull away from the beast. It's fingers are claw like and begin to wave frantically in the air. In a sinister voice it screams: "He's coming mommy! Daddy loves you!"

"No!" I scream and stumble away. It comes at me hissing.

"I love you mommy! I fucking love you!" I'm pushed against my vanity, it's face a mere inches from mine, teeth snapping agitatedly. My hand touches something cool and metallic. Scissors! Thank fucking jesus!

"Mommy!" Teeth almost biting into my skin

"Leave me alone you little bastard!" I swing the scissors at its face. It slashes it's snout, leaving blood splurting out all over my room. It falls backwards and smashes it's ugly little head against the edge of my computer desk. Blood becomes my floors new coating. The body quivers, the claws twitching. I stand over it, appalled. Then melancholic.

I killed my baby again. No...this...this _thing_ wasn't my baby. It was something else. Something so bloodcurdling, just staring at it's face, twisted in agony, was enough to send me into shivers. Then what was it? Was it a trick from Anna and Hotaru?

Suddenly, even if this beast was dead, I became panicked. I began to shake and slumped ot the floor, chafing my arms with my trembling hands. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. I'm just hallucinating... God, I've had my fair share of scares the last week but this was nothing to be compared to! Hotaru and Anna...they're doing this, they're the only ones who can. Do they want to kill me? But first be sadistic little bitches and send me to hysterics? Was that how the game was played, hunh?

I needed to tell someone. My mother? No, she'd just send me to an asylum. Natsume was the only one. I went downstairs and picked up the telephone. I dialed the numbers wrong several times due to quivering hands. When I finally got it right, it to my phone and waited as the voice of the only one who would understand me picked up.

"What?" Was his answer when he picked up. Relief spread through me.

I didn't know what to say though, my heart was too filled with the throbbing sensation of solace. So he responded irritatedely: "What the fuck is it? I'm going to hang up."

"N...Natsume."

The other end of the line goes silent for a second. "Mikan?"

"I'm going to die Natsume..." I croak. "They're going to kill me." I take the phone up with me to my room. But when I go back in my room, the inert monster was gone, not a drop of blood left on my floor.

xxx

I dream._ Tsubasa is standing in a forest, in the desolate area where me and Hotaru had visited. Every single thing, the roses that bloomed so splendidly, the willow trees, the hopping rabbits, the crying cicadas, was either dead or wilting. The rabbits were laying on the floor, decomposing. The maggots were eating at them and tearing at the flesh._

_"Tsubasa..." I murmur._

_"We are not even safe here it seems." Tsubasa ponders. "He's constantly watching us that Messiah of theirs."_

_"The Messiah is..."_

_His words echoe. "Your beloved Ruka." I cannot breathe. "Do you wonder why these strange coincedences happen to you Mikan? Do you wonder why you hallucinate of dead fetuses, blood, your child? Do you question why you have these dreams and have some connection to Natsume, myself, Anna, and Hotaru? Why do you think we act the way we do to you."_

_"I admit...I'm confused, but Ruka...Ruka would never..." I stray off. How much did I really know about Ruka? No, I loved him and that's all that mattered. His smile was enough to tell me he was a good person._

_"Ruka killed Natsume's mother." I gasp. Tsubasa looks me straight in the eye. "He is..."_

"Mikan." Natsume hovers over me.

"Oh...Natsume." I smile. His expression is clouded. He must be worried over what I told him last night, of the monster that almost ate me.

"You have drool on you." He points out.

I wipe it off with the hem of my dress which makes him grimace. "Pig."

"Lech."

We have taken up the habit of sitting together everyday in every class shared. The females of this school are envious, the males befuddled. What an unspecial girl, taking up Natsume's time. He must be desperate or treating her like a charity event. The conclusions they come up with shock me. He tends to ignore them, but they still manage to instill pain into me. Was I really that abominable? That unimportant?

Just then Sumire Shoda passes by us. I hear her snicker under her breathe: "Whore."

Natsume quickly looks up, angered. I touch his arm gently. "It's cool." I shrug. "She doesn't know what she's talking about."

"She won't leave me the fuck alone. Does she think I like to be latched on and followed around like a lost puppy?" He snorts. "On top of that calling you a whore?"

"She wasn't always like that." I remininsce. "She used to be my best friend."

He doesn't respond. I feel something warm from underneath the table touch my hand. His. I should be accustomed to this. This isn't the first time he's touched me in such a familiar way. Yet I still manage to flush and pull away.

"W...what?"

He just sighs. "You've wounded my ego."

I feel...warm and fluffy. My insides are about to burst, which is why I pulled away. Of course I can't tell him that. I know all too well what this excitement stirring in me was. I had the same excitement with Ruka. It was love...or something like it. Do I want love? Not really. It's already complicated my life enough. Do I need love? Yes...I need it. I need it so bad, more than hunger. I'm starved of it.

And he just so happens to feed me. But it's enough. I can't give in.

I don't know why. But I can't.

xxx

Yet I do. Or somewhat like it. I let him drag me to his room, decorated in tons of Post Grunge and Screamo posters. He thrusts me onto his umade bed where he plants me with warm loving kisses. Desire, courses through my veins. I pull his hair towards me, wanting to devour him. His hands are exploring my body. What is it he's looking for exactly?

His hands touch my breasts, massaging them. I bite back a moan. Pleasurable as it is, he stops and traisl his hand to the straps of my dress. It takes him just a short amount of time to fling my bra and dress across the room. His hands are expert I must say. Not only that but his toungue which licks my nipples. I feel the need of lust. It's like I've been body snatched. When ever I can't feel his hands or tongue on my body I begin to panic. I need him like heroine.

His hands float down to my panties. He rubs the fabric making me finally moan. I see him pause for a moment. He looks delighted to have accomplished this feat. He pulls them down my legs.

For some reason I begin to protest. "N-Natsume we really shouldn't..."

But his fingers are inside of me and I can't speak anymore. The sensation was consuming. I couldn't speak, only make soft graoning noises. He extractes them, leaving me nearly breathless. Then he forces my legs farther apart. What does he plan to do? I try to close them, but he's much stronger than me. He seems a little amused that I would even try.

"You're going to love this." He states. Then I feel it. Warm, wet and lashing inside of me. My face flushes with heat. I want him inside of me even more and yet I feel so very violated. Regardless I clutch his hair and pull him even more inside of me.

"Ahh...N-Natsume..."

And then he delivers it. His pacing isn't slow and romantic like Ruka's where we just stared into eachothers eyes endlessly. Instead he does quick movements, full of passion. His hair drips with sweat, but I peculiarly, find this attractive. I bet my own forehead is beaded with sweat. Hands still all over eachother even when he's pushing himself in me.

I love it. He collapses beside me, were both breathing heavily. He has not removed his hand from my waist. I feel...protected...flushed with amazement that such a feeling existed. (_A/n: He is a saggitarus after all. :D)_

Adulation overcomes me and I brush the hair from his eyes. He pulls me close into an embrace. How have I lived without this?

"I didn't know it would be like this." I say without thinking.

"What?" He looks offended.

"Like this." Is all I simply say and pull him closer to me. For such a cold man, he manages to make me feel warm. He kisses my forehead.

He murmurs into my hair. "From now on your mine." He chuckles.

"Oh really?" I challenge as his hand slides up and cups my breasts.

"Really. Oh, I left the window open. Shit." He curses under his breath.

I glance out the window which is indeed open and reveals something I wish to never see again. To my astonishment, a pair of blue eyes stare in, angry.

xxx

_My lemon sucked. Please note I wrote the lemon in like...five maybe ten minutes? Lol. Sooo Blue eyes equal Ruka._


	10. White III

_Okay then, I do not own Gakuen Alice. __Awww, I normally hate when I don't get reviews, it makes me feel like a shitty writer and plummets my self esteem. But I've found it doesn't matter if I don't get tons of reviews in just one chapter. What I really want is a long review telling me the pros and cons of my story without being a prude. Like 'Well I just don't like how you curse so much. It hurts my poor soul.' Lmao. :P Okay so here is where we reveal the whole plot mysteries, and then the story takes a mighty twist you see?_

_Just watch. Ohhh btw this is the last chapter of Incubus. There will be a continuation called Succubus which plotline I have been manufacturing. Very gory part I'm excited to do in Succubus._

_Not such a good chapter btw. :D_

_xxx_

Walking, hand in hand, towards school. I feel like I'm radiating with happiness. Not only that but I have a shit eating grin plastered on my face. Natsume gently strokes my thumb which reminds me of a few days ago where his fingers had stroked my breasts. Ruka seems like a distant memory and the more I get closer to Natsume, the more I leave him behind.

I'm wearing white. Odd isn't it? My mother nearly collapsed at the sight of me draped in white, with the lovestruck smile, and the jubilant movements. I had skipped the whole day with flushed excitement.

But the eyes that had peirced me, those eyes that showed nothing but sentiment and otherwordly being, had looked at me with pure abhorrence. So unfamiliar. So real.

So the question that hangs in the air is: Have I betrayed you, Ruka, by finding love in someone else's arms?

And the answer is yes.

xxx

He plays with my hair, all the while scolding my lack of other attire. His fingers leave my hair and begin to trace circles onto the back of my legs. Then they move a little up my dress. I flip over, abshed. He seems to find this cute and leans over laying sweet kisses over my collarbone, occasionally brushing his hand against the inside of my thigh.

"N-Natsume!" I pull away. I'm sure I'm as red as a tomato as of right now. He smirks. "We-we should take this...s-slow." I mumble.

"What are you talking about, idiot?" He chortles. I guess it does sound rather stupid to say this sort of thing when we had had sex jut a few days ago. "And you really do need to change your attire. I'm getting sick of just seeing red, black, and white. Pink couldn't hurt you, you know?"

"I'll dress how I want to dress." I reply stiffly.

He shakes his head, befuddled. "But I know you didn't always dress this way. Sumire said so."

I inhale deeply. "Sumire...?"

"Yeah. She said a few years ago you were just like every normal teenage girl." He looks me square in the eyes. "That everything changed after you had the miscarriage."

I loathe to admit that I was over such things. Just the mere mention of the miscarraige ruined my liveliness. How cruel of him to bring up such a sore topic. I still thought of what it would be like at night, to atleast hold the baby in my arms, to feel it's soft little wrinkled hand wrap around my finger. The longing...more so then lust itself. I thought we were over the topic. Why does he constantly bring this up?

"It wasn't your fault." He says. The words sting.

"It was...it wasn't? All I know is I'll never see my baby again and I've caused someone else other than me pain." I reply, scooting away from him.

He seems irritated. "Do you still love him? The guy who acted like a bastard towards you?"

"He didn't...he was just in pain that's all." I try for excuses. Why am I still lying to myself?

"Fuck that. He should've comforted you when you were feeling like shit. You were depressed too and you can't fucking help it if you're stressed! Do you understand me?" He grips my shoulders and yells into my face. He is full of odium towards Ruka, a male he's never even met. If he had met Ruka would he still feel the same repulsion now? "He doesn't deserve someone as great as you! Are you listening Mikan?"

I pull away from him, which shocks him. Or maybe it was the words that I had spoken that had slapped him so hard in the face? "Stop it! You don't know anything! I do still have feelings for him you asshole!" Tears stream down my face. "He was my first everything! My first love, my first time, my first kiss, the first person to make me feel of value! He was the father of my _child_!"

"Your child is _dead_!"

I stop breathing. Stare at him blankly. It's like he has dropped a thousand weights inside my chest. I'm full of lead. I'm full of lead! This makes me sob harder. My child is dead. My child...will always be dead. What he meant to say was to stop dweeling on the past. There's nothing I can do to repent. Just move on.

He pulls me towards him into an embrace which I cannot break. Nor do I want to break. "You look ugly when you cry." He whispers in my ear.

Ashamed, I snuggle into his chest, trying to hide my tear stained face. "Shut up." The words are strong but my voice shows my weakness. My pain.

He kisses my neck. Warm soft kisses. "I love you Mikan. I can't see you in this type of torment. I'll make it better, I promise."

"Liar." I mumble. I want to believe him. I want to believe that there is an end to this hectic train of emotions that course through my veins. I can only wait til those blue eyes leave my mind forever. But they're still buried deep inside, waiting for the first sign of weakness. They're my destruction, the thing that will pull me and Natsume apart. I just know it.

Because Ruka, I still love. And Ruka is a murderer.

xxx

I soak my face with a wet rag, feeling the cold liquid drip down my face. Soothing as it is, I feel myself breifly troubled. A felt remorse suddenly overpower me and clutch my shirt. The beating of my heart is trembling, moving at a new beat.

Something isn't right.

I close the bathroom door and enter my room where Anna and Hotaru wait, faces bitter. Even Anna who has the sunny disposition has a face that could kill, complete with furrowed eyebrows and a downright grimace. Her movements are jerky. She nearly runs up to me ready to slaughter me.

"You inconceivable little bitch!" She shouts.

"Now, now Anna." Hotaru sighs. Her eyes harden as she sees me quiver. "She's completely clueless as to her sin."

"Sin?" I ask.

"Yes, your sin. Normally I relish in sin. But this sin even goes against him. Your _precious _Ruka." So Tsubasa was right...Ruka...was...a murderer. No, Ruka, it's a mistake! "You cannot just sleep around with other men! What if you get pregnant? Do you want Ruka to have to kill your child to make room for his own?"

The world is spinning. Hotaru pulls me down on the floor where she begins to massage my legs. I'm so confused, so awful feeling I don't stop her. "I...I don't understand." It feels nice even, it relaxes my tension of her even being here.

"How many times have I heard you say that?" Anna sneers. "Do you not get why the baby was so important? Do you not read _at all_?"

Hotaru glances frantically at Anna. "Anna, don't-"

"No. She deserves to know. Do you know what we are, me and Hotaru? Or who your 'guardian' Tsubasa is? I'm a fucking demon you little traitor. Me and Hotaru both. Tsubasa is an angel, meant to stop us from 'corrupting humanity'." I cannot breathe. Please, tell me this is a joke. Demons? Angels? None of that exists. None of it! "And what does that make Ruka? Ruka is the devil and that little child you will be carrying if I have to nearly kill you to make it happen is the spawn of Satan. The prince."

"The anti-christ..." I murmur.

"Oh, so is that what they call it now a days?" Anna cackles. None of this is real...What type of madness is this?

In a second Hotaru has leaped off of me and has thrown herself at Anna. Confounded, Anna does nothing but stare as Hotaru quickly swipes out a steak knife and punctures it into Anna's skin. Blood sprays all over the room. A little has even coated my lips. I'm going to be sick. I'm so disgusted I can't look any longer and turn around as Anna screams bloody murder and more blood finds my room to its liking.

The screaming dies down.

"Are you going to kill me too?" I question. Surpisingly, my voice is somber.

She touches my shoulder, gentle for a demon I guess. "No, Mikan Sakura. I'm going ot protect you."

xxx

_Not much of a finale hunh? It was written poorly because my mind has been occupied with ideas for Succubus. The story is going to continue but I felt I would need a different title since the plot changes drastically._

_The story had awalys had religious themes in it from the beginning, I'm not Christian, do not misinterpret me. Yet I do find the thought of pure evil versus good entertaining. Please read the squal if I have not dissapointed you with Incubus :D_


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